Nico Live English Lesson Jokes - May 31, 2015
a pun ＝親父ギャグ
a frog カエル
a toad ヒキガエル
1.
Q: What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
A: It’s toad away.
Normal situation:
Q: What happens when a car breaks down?
A: It will be towed.
2.
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
7, 8, 9
3. A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.
One student said, "My father grows beans." Another student, “My mother cooks beans.” And little Johnny said, “We are all human beans.”
4. I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Jokes like these are now considered “politically incorrect”.
5. A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
6. Scientists have discovered a food that will diminish a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It's called a wedding cake.
diminish 小さくなる、減少する、縮小する、下落する
7. Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
A science joke:
8. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
May 28 - English Live Lesson!
May 28 - English Live Lesson!
I had a big emergency last night.
I went to the emergency room.
I rushed to the emergency room.
My wife had an accident, and I had to rush her to the emergency room.
She’s OK now, but she got 9 stitches.
She somehow hit her head on the crib.
The blow split her head open.
I could see her skull.
It looked like someone had cut her open with a scalpel.
a scalpel = メス
He drove home drunk, and he somehow got home safe.
I somehow mistook the salt for the sugar.
He punched me in the head, and the blow knocked me out.
My first wife asked for a divorce on my birthday.
It was a quite a blow.
This is quite gruesome story.
I was repulsed by her story.
Is swallow nest season.
So I’ve been trying to capture swallow nests.
Swallow nests are thought to bring happiness.
a superstition = 迷信
It is believed that…
It is thought that…
to stumble upon st = to find st by chance
I came across an interesting store.
I came across an interesting article.
Yen slips to 12-year nadir against dollar; talk of U.S. interest rate hike shatters ¥124 threshold
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
May 26 - English Live Lesson!
May 26 - English Live Lesson!
Have you ever had one of those days?
I shop. = habit
I’ll go shopping. = I have decided now to go shopping in the near near future.
I’m going shopping. = I decided beforehand to got shopping now.
I’m going to go shopping. = showing will
to get some shopping done
Let me just go use the bathroom.
Let me just turn on the air-conditioner.
Let me just think about it.
Let me just get some coffee.
Ben Stiller's mother died.
She lived to a ripe old age.
She was a regular on "The Ed Sullivan Show".
He is a regular at that restaurant.
Passport confiscation policy should remain in place: Foreign Ministry
to confiscate =
confiscation =
The police confiscated the vehicle.
a Japanese national = a Japanese citizen
Texas is flooding.
Have you ever had one of those days?
I shop. = habit
I’ll go shopping. = I have decided now to go shopping in the near near future.
I’m going shopping. = I decided beforehand to got shopping now.
I’m going to go shopping. = showing will
to get some shopping done
Let me just go use the bathroom.
Let me just turn on the air-conditioner.
Let me just think about it.
Let me just get some coffee.
Ben Stiller's mother died.
She lived to a ripe old age.
She was a regular on "The Ed Sullivan Show".
He is a regular at that restaurant.
Passport confiscation policy should remain in place: Foreign Ministry
to confiscate =
confiscation =
The police confiscated the vehicle.
a Japanese national = a Japanese citizen
Texas is flooding.
May 24 - English Live Lesson!
May 24 - English Live Lesson!
1. tacky
I’m wearing a very tacky Hawaiian shirt.
a vulgar joke = a tacky joke
2. could
Could you help me? > Can you help me?
Could I have a cup of coffee?
Could I talk/speak to/with you for a moment in private?
Do you have a minute?
Could I have a minute?
It could have been worse.
It could have been worse. It could have been me/you.
I am so angry. I could scream.
I could kill you.
POLITE Language:
Could you help me?
Could you tell me how to get to the station?
Could I ask who’s calling? = May I ask who’s calling?
Could I leave a message?
Set phrases:
I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.
It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
A: Thank you. B: It's the least I could do.
He will be treated no different from your own son.
I’m signing off on the adoption.
I could beat him with one arm tied behind my back.
If looks could kill.
If looks could kill I would be dead.
Let's play it by ear.
1. tacky
I’m wearing a very tacky Hawaiian shirt.
a vulgar joke = a tacky joke
2. could
Could you help me? > Can you help me?
Could I have a cup of coffee?
Could I talk/speak to/with you for a moment in private?
Do you have a minute?
Could I have a minute?
It could have been worse.
It could have been worse. It could have been me/you.
I am so angry. I could scream.
I could kill you.
POLITE Language:
Could you help me?
Could you tell me how to get to the station?
Could I ask who’s calling? = May I ask who’s calling?
Could I leave a message?
Set phrases:
I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.
It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
A: Thank you. B: It's the least I could do.
He will be treated no different from your own son.
I’m signing off on the adoption.
I could beat him with one arm tied behind my back.
If looks could kill.
If looks could kill I would be dead.
Let's play it by ear.
May 21 - English Live Lesson!
May 21 - English Live Lesson!
Business as usual.
It’s been business as usual.
to spoil = to hurt, damage, or ruin or destroy
She spoiled her kids. = She gave them everything they wanted.
That kid is spoiled.
The milk is spoiled.
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May 20 - English Live Lesson!
May 20 - English Live Lesson!
1. in / at
I’ll meet you at the Chunichi Building. (general area)
I’ll meet you in the Chunichi Building. (inside the building)
Do you mean inside the building? Or do you mean in front of the building?
2. bigoted
He is racist. / He is a racist.
He is a bigot.
The 3 ~ist. = racist, sexist, ageist
3. そろそろ～しないとけないじゃない？
Isn’t it about time….
It's really thundering outside.
At 6pm:
Isn't it about time you make dinner?
At 10pm:
Isn't it about time you made dinner?
Your friend has been unhappy in her marriage for a long time.
= Isn’t it about time you got divorced.
I think it's about time you bought a new car.
I think it's about time you buy a new car.
a) I think it's about time you VERB.
Isn’t it about time you VERB?
b) I think it's about time you PAST TENSE VERB.
You’re 26 years. You’ve been dating the same person for 6 years.
a) Isn’t it about time you get married.
b) Isn’t it about time you got married.
What kind/sort/type of person is he?
What’s he like?
What does he like?
1. in / at
I’ll meet you at the Chunichi Building. (general area)
I’ll meet you in the Chunichi Building. (inside the building)
Do you mean inside the building? Or do you mean in front of the building?
2. bigoted
He is racist. / He is a racist.
He is a bigot.
The 3 ~ist. = racist, sexist, ageist
3. そろそろ～しないとけないじゃない？
Isn’t it about time….
It's really thundering outside.
At 6pm:
Isn't it about time you make dinner?
At 10pm:
Isn't it about time you made dinner?
Your friend has been unhappy in her marriage for a long time.
= Isn’t it about time you got divorced.
I think it's about time you bought a new car.
I think it's about time you buy a new car.
a) I think it's about time you VERB.
Isn’t it about time you VERB?
b) I think it's about time you PAST TENSE VERB.
You’re 26 years. You’ve been dating the same person for 6 years.
a) Isn’t it about time you get married.
b) Isn’t it about time you got married.
What kind/sort/type of person is he?
What’s he like?
What does he like?
Monday, May 18, 2015
May 18 - English Live Lesson!
May 18 - English Live Lesson!
brain idioms
1. an easy decision = a no-brainer
2. I can’t wrap my brain around this.
3. to hit someone hard in the head = to brain him
Ex: I almost got brained by that baseball.
4. I’m brain dead. = My brain no longer works.
5. a bird-brain = a stupid person
6. to pick sb's brain = to ask sb many questions so that you can learn about st
Do you mind if I pick your brain on ~.
7. a brain drain = 頭脳流出
8. to commit suicide with a gun = to blow one’s brains out
I was so bored, I felt like blowing my brains out.
9. He is all brawn and no brains.
10. I racked my brains. = I did my best to think about st and perhaps solve a problem.
I’ve been racking my brains for a good present.
11. to have st on the brain = to be obsessed with st.
He has ~ on the brain.
Dirty Slang Warning!
12. to have shit for brains
He’s got shit for brains. = He is an idiot.
13. a brain fart = a stupid idea
I just had a brain fart.
= My mind went blank.
or = I just came up with a really stupid idea.
I had a brain fart and locked my keys in the car.
brain idioms
1. an easy decision = a no-brainer
2. I can’t wrap my brain around this.
3. to hit someone hard in the head = to brain him
Ex: I almost got brained by that baseball.
4. I’m brain dead. = My brain no longer works.
5. a bird-brain = a stupid person
6. to pick sb's brain = to ask sb many questions so that you can learn about st
Do you mind if I pick your brain on ~.
7. a brain drain = 頭脳流出
8. to commit suicide with a gun = to blow one’s brains out
I was so bored, I felt like blowing my brains out.
9. He is all brawn and no brains.
10. I racked my brains. = I did my best to think about st and perhaps solve a problem.
I’ve been racking my brains for a good present.
11. to have st on the brain = to be obsessed with st.
He has ~ on the brain.
Dirty Slang Warning!
12. to have shit for brains
He’s got shit for brains. = He is an idiot.
13. a brain fart = a stupid idea
I just had a brain fart.
= My mind went blank.
or = I just came up with a really stupid idea.
I had a brain fart and locked my keys in the car.
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